


Waves That You Can't Resurface From

by numberonehoneybadger



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Allura likes Keith, Angst, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), F/M, Fast burn?, Fluff, Gay Keith (Voltron), Keith/Lance (Voltron) Angst, Keith/Lance (Voltron) Fluff, M/M, Minor Allura/Shiro (Voltron), Mutual Pining, POV Alternating, POV First Person, Pining Allura (Voltron), Pining Shiro (Voltron), What's the opposite of slow burn, not slow burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-27
Updated: 2017-09-30
Packaged: 2018-12-20 07:54:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11916510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/numberonehoneybadger/pseuds/numberonehoneybadger
Summary: Keith knows that Lance is jealous of  his friendship with Allura, and Keith knows that Lance thinks that it’s something more, or at least that it will become something more. Keith tends to just ignore Lance when he seems envious, because Keith thinks that if Lance is stupid enough to think that Keith and Allura have something more, then he isn’t worth arguing with. Several one on one conversations of Keith yelling “There’s nothing between us!” Led to Keith just ignoring Lance. Forming Voltron with their renewed rivalry becomes increasingly difficult, and all Keith wants to do is fix it. But whenever Keith tries to talk to Lance about it, Lance will just mutter something along the lines of “I thought we were friends,” and then walk away. Keith knows that the situation is close to hopeless.Lance isn’t the only one who thinks there’s something between Keith and Allura. The other paladins believe Keith, but it’s Allura who doesn’t know about Keith’s arguments with Lance.





	1. Chapter One

\--KEITH--

 

“Good morning, paladins!” I hear Allura’s voice from the speakers in the castle, and get out of his bed. I rub all traces of grogginess from my eyes. “It’s time for a big day of training!” Everyone slowly makes their way to the training deck, Lance being the last, as always. I would usually tease Lance, but lately, I haven’t wanted the fight between Lance and me to get worse.

  
“Today we’re going to try a new exercise,” Allura says, beaming at us. She’s been a lot happier lately, and I’m not sure why. She signals to Coran, who I can see in the small window high up on the wall. He clicks something, and five robots, each a different color, rise up from the floor.

  
“Each of you will fight the robot that corresponds to your lion’s color. Your robot is specifically designed to block the power of your bayard. Your goal is to defeat the robot before it defeats you. Good luck paladins!” I’m not sure if I’m imagining it, but Allura’s gaze seems to linger just a second too long on me.  


  
I hear “Training level one” in a monotone voice over the speakers in the room, and each robot suddenly has a weapon. The red colored robot holds a large shield and a sword similar to my bayard. I block out everyone else, and focus on just my robot.  


  
The exercise goes by quickly. Hunk is the first out, getting shot by a gun almost twice the size of his. Lance goes next, getting his gun shocked and then himself. Pidge goes, then me, and then Shiro. All of us are out within ten minutes. Allura arrives in the room under the training deck shortly after all of us fall through.  


  
“Good attempt, paladins,” she says, still wearing that smile from earlier. “Excellent form, Keith.” She looks to me, and I can feel Lance’s look of envy.  


  
“Actually, uh, Shiro lasted longer than me,” I say, confused by Allura’s praise.  


  
“Oh, yes, great job, Shiro,” she says, slightly less enthusiastic. “Well, you all must be tired. Go have breakfast.” I can feel Lance’s eyes on me as we walk to the kitchen.  
As soon as all of us, minus Coran and Allura, sit down at the table with our goo in front of us, Hunk begins to speak.  


  
“Okay, guys, I can’t be the only one who notices something weird about Allura,” Hunk says, standing up as if it’s some important announcement.  
“Yeah, she seems weirdly happy,” Pidge says. “But why?”  


  
“I think it’s Keith’s fault,” Lance says, and I feel the slightest twinge of anger. Why does Lance think that Allura and I have something together? I mean, I haven’t come out yet, but it still should be obvious that I’m not interested.  


  
“Why would it be my fault?” I say, glaring at Lance.  


  
“You’ve been hanging out with her so much, you don’t expect me to believe nothing’s happening?”  


  
“Nothing is happening!” I stand up and slam my hands on the table, glad that Allura isn’t here. Lance has been bickering like this with me for the past few days, and honestly, I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to take it.  


  
“Okay, settle down you too,” Shiro says, and I silently thank him. “If Keith says that nothing is happening between him and Allura, we should take his word for it. Plus, this useless drama is just going to make it harder to form Voltron.” I sit down, and Lance continues to glare at me.  


  
The rest of breakfast is in complete silence. It feels dense, like everyone wants to say something. I know what I want to say.  
Lance, you idiot, I don’t have a thing for Allura. It’s you. It’s you.  


  
But I would never say that out loud. Lance can’t know.  


  
Once breakfast is over, Shiro tells us all to get in our lions so we can do Voltron drills. We all get suited up, then go down the zip line to our lions.  
“Alright team,” Shiro says as enthusiastically as he can, “let’s form Voltron!”  


  
Forming Voltron is easy for us now. It’s natural, like breathing. That doesn’t mean it’s as easy once it’s already formed, though.  


  
“Release your tension! It’s harder to hold this when there’s a rivalry!” Shiro doesn’t say names, but it’s clear that he’s talking about Lance and me. After Shiro says this, it feels even harder to hold Voltron. I can feel Lance’s anger. It’s pulsing through everyone.  


  
I wish he didn’t hate me.  


  
\--LANCE--  


  
That idiot. That freaking idiot.  


  
To be honest, I’m not quite sure why I’m mad anymore. My crush on Allura went away quickly after I met her. The reason I kept using those stupid pick up lines on her was just to make Keith jealous. I just wanted him to notice me. I kind of suck at these kinds of things.  


  
Keith thinks I’m jealous of him, so I’ll let him keep thinking that.  


  
Forming Voltron is harder than ever when your emotions feel like waves that you can’t resurface from after you’ve been hit by them  


  
I try my best to push away my emotions. I don’t want to be mad. I don’t want him to think I’m mad. But I guess it’s a good cover.  


  
“Guys… this is getting uncomfortable…” I hear Hunk mutter through the coms. I feel terrible about my emotions, but thinking that just makes things worse.  


  
“Shiro, please, can we stop? I can’t handle this.” Pidge seems to be talking through clenched teeth. Is it that bad?  


  
“Let’s disband,” Shiro says in a low voice. “We’ll figure this out back at the castle.” Voltron comes apart, and we all fly back to our hangers. That had to be the shortest Voltron drill we’ve ever done.  


  
Once we get back inside the castle, I rip off my helmet and throw it on the sofa. I hear Pidge mutter, “Well, now we know who was messing us up.” Before I can stop myself, I break.  


  
“Sorry for feeling normal human emotions, Pidge! Sorry for being mad at someone for getting with the girl I’ve been openly flirting with! Sorry for messing us all up!” Keith is looking down, as if he’s ashamed. I can tell he wants to say something, but I can’t handle it. I storm away from them to my room without looking back.  


  
\-- KEITH --  


  
I want to follow him. I want to go to him and tell him everything, and tell him that I love him, and tell him that everything’s alright. But I know he’d just push me away.  


  
Instead, I start to go back to my room, ignoring the stares from the other paladins. I hear Allura join the others, asking first about me, then about Lance, then about how the drill went. I ignore her and the explanations from Shiro, and continue my walk.  


  
When I pass Lance’s door, I pause, wanting to knock or say something, anything. I quickly push the thought away and arrive at my room. Once I get inside, I grab my blade and begin fiddling with it. It seems to be the only thing I do in my past time. Back on Earth, I would come up with theories about Shiro and where he is and try to figure out what the energy in the desert is. But in space, everything is quiet, and everything has been figured out on this damn castle. So I grab a cloth and run it along the already spotless metal of the knife, pushing thoughts of Lance from my head. After what feels like forever, I hear a knock on my door.  


  
“Come in,” I mutter, and look down at the floor. I see Shiro’s shoes coming towards me, and I look up at him. “Oh, hey Shiro.”  


  
“Keith,” he says, sitting down next to me. I look back down to my knife, slowly turning it to have something to fidget with. “What’s wrong?”  


  
“Nothing,” I say, although if Shiro’s come here, he knows that something is wrong.  


  
“I know when something is up with you.” He looks at me with his signature “Dad look”. I take a deep breath, preparing to confess. I know I can trust Shiro. I know I can confide in him. So why don’t I want to?  


  
The castle seems so quiet at the moment, I feel like everyone can hear me. I know I should confide in Shiro. I’m a part of Voltron. I can’t keep secrets.  


  
“I like Lance,” I blurt out, turning to him. “I really like him, Shiro, and I hate it. I don’t want to like him.” I pause, then add, “But he hates me, so it doesn’t really matter.”  


  
“He doesn’t hate you, Keith,” Shiro says, tapping his robotic fingers on the sheet.  


  
“Heh, yeah right.” I put my head in my hands, not wanting Shiro to see my face. I think back to all of the times Lance has teased me, all of the times he’s argued with me, or trashed talked me, or anything related. Lance not hating me seems impossible.  


  
“Keith.” Shiro puts his hand on my back, but I still don’t look up. “He doesn’t hate you. I know he doesn’t. Trust me. I know what it feels like to love someone. You notice every little thing that the person does against you, and all together, it feels like they despise you. But they don’t.”  


  
“I don’t think constantly fighting with me counts as a ‘little thing.’”  


  
“Maybe there’s another reason he’s fighting with you.”  


  
I look up at him. “What, you mean like one of those cliche movie plots where they’re just fighting to ‘hide their true feelings?’ Life isn’t a movie. He hates me.” Shiro stands up, taking his hand off my back, and begins to walk towards the door. But he pauses, and turns to me.  


  
“Keith, I know life isn’t a movie. I know that more than anyone. But if he hated you, how would we form Voltron? Why would he have your back in battle? Trust me, he doesn’t hate you.” He walks out of my room, and I’m left there with a million thoughts swarming my brain.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance finds out that Keith wasn't lying when he said he didn't like Allura.

**\--KEITH--**

I think even Shiro thinks that Lance hates me now. He’s been purposely avoiding me all week. He won’t say a single word to me, and does his best to never pass me in the castle. 

However, the more Lance avoids me, the more Allura follows me. She constantly strikes up conversations with me at breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and always offers to help me with lion maintenance, training, and any other thing that could possibly need two people. Allura’s really nice, and she’s a great friend, but it’s getting a little excessive. 

The next day, at breakfast, she offers to help me again. 

I have two plates of food goo, extremely hungry for no reason, and then announce that I’m off to see if Red acquired any problems during our last battle. 

“I’ll come with you!” Allura says, standing up from her seat. Lance looks down at his food, still sticking with not speaking to me. “I don’t have much else to do, and… uh… my father was the pilot of the red lion. I might be able to help.” I don’t really want Allura to come; it’s always nice to be alone with Red; but I don’t want to be rude, so I tell her she can. 

I walk towards the red lion with Allura close behind me, both of us in silence. Walking through the castle in silence is nice. It’s easy to get lost within the brilliant architecture, though, so I do my best to pay attention to the path ahead instead of admiring the beauty of the castle. 

Once we arrive at the red lion hanger, Allura hesitates, then enters. “The, uh, the lions are truly amazing, aren’t they?” She says, looking not at the lion, but at me. 

“Yeah, they’re uh, they’re pretty cool,” I say, avoiding her gaze. I walk towards Red, and she opens her mouth to let me in. I walk up the walkway and enter the cockpit and Allura comes in behind me.

Being in the lion with someone else feels kind of weird. It’s like someone is invading your personal space, even though they’re not close to you. And you feel violated, even though you’re not being used or taken over. 

“So what should we do first?” Allura says, now physically invading my personal space. Red closed her mouth, and suddenly the cockpit feels very claustrophobic. 

“Uh, first I need to check the systems.” I step away from her and sit in the chair, placing my hands on the controls. All of the screens appear, showing information about the lions current weapons system, speed, durability, and any other useful information about the robot. 

“Alright, it seems to be okay,” I say, noticing Allura come next to me. I definitely feel violated now, now that the lion is on. I stand up from the chair and walk around the lion, checking for all of the first aid materials, weapons, and such that Allura and Coran packed for us. When I turn around, I see Allura was right behind me. She blushes furiously, then steps back a little. 

“Are you alright?” I ask her, wondering why her face is suddenly the shade of a tomato. 

“Yes, I’m fine, it’s just…” She pauses, and looks down, then back at me. She suddenly leans into me, and before I can stop her, she kisses me. 

I put my hands on her shoulders and push her away immediately, my face heating up and my heart race increasing. She looks surprised, and then hurt. But I don’t care. How could she do that? Just take advantage of me like that? I don’t like Allura like that. I don’t like any girls like that. 

“Keith, I…” But before she can finish the sentence, Red has read my thoughts and opened her mouth. I run down the walkway and towards my room, my eyes welling with tears. 

**\--LANCE--**

When I see Keith run past me with tears in his eyes, I don’t even think. I follow him immediately. 

I make sure I’m a considerable distance behind him, so he doesn’t notice me, and I follow him all the way to his bedroom. When I arrive, he’s already inside. 

I hesitate outside of the door, not wanting to invade his personal space. I know that if I knock, he’ll just tell me to go away, so I walk inside. 

When I come in, I see Keith sitting on his bed, his head in his hands. He’s kind of sniffling, but I don’t think he’s crying. As I start to walk over to him, he looks up, his eyes tinted red. 

“What are you doing here?” He asks, his words weak. 

“I… I saw you running here, and I wanted to see what was wrong,” I say, pathetically. 

“Why? You’ve been ignoring me all week, why come talk to me now?”

“I was worried. I didn’t want you to be upset. I also…” I pause, not entirely knowing what to say. “I was also worried you were upset because of me.”

“No, it wasn’t you,” he says, looking down and wringing his hands together. “I mean, I was upset that you ignored me all week, but that’s not why I’m upset now.”

“Why are you upset?” I ask, suddenly walking over to sit next to him. He continues to wring his hands together, and I watch his face, looking for signs of anger or sadness. 

“Allura kissed me,” he says, and my heart drops. I knew there was probably something between them, but I was hoping there wasn’t. Both of my crushes (or previous crushes, in Allura’s case) getting together is a worst-case scenario.

“Oh,” I say, starting to stand up. “That’s great. Congrats, or whatever.”

“No, I mean, she kissed me, but I pushed her away.” I let out a breath, then feel bad. Why would Keith push away Allura? Something must have been bothering him. 

“Why?”

“Because I don’t like her like that. I…” He pauses, clearly rethinking whatever he was about to say. “Look, Lance, I don’t like Allura, so you can go ahead and keep flirting with her.”

“What?” I say, confused for a moment. Then I realize. “Wait, Keith, I never really liked Allura. I mean, I kind of had a crush on her at one point, but that went away quickly.”

“Then… then why did you seem so jealous?” Keith says, finally looking up from his hands. I do my best to maintain eye contact. 

“I wasn’t jealous of you, I was jealous of Allura,” I say, before realizing what I implied. Oh god, did I just confess to Keith? His eyes go wide, and he looks slightly confused.

“What do you mean?” He asks in a voice that suggests he already knows. 

“I…” I hesitate. I don’t want to confess to Keith, not yet, but the damage has already been done. “I like you, Keith.” I immediately go red, and I turn away from his gaze. It’s silent for a moment, neither of us knowing what to say. Then, his voice breaks the silence, like the sun might break through the clouds on a cold day. 

“I like you too,” he mutters, and I hope he doesn’t hear the pounding in my chest. “I never really wanted to fight you. I only ever fought you because I thought you hated me. So I figured I’d just play along.” A wave of guilt washes over me. All of this is my fault? All of the fighting that I always wished we could stop, and apparently Keith wished we could stop too?

“I’m sorry,” I say, gazing anywhere but at Keith. “I never wanted to fight either. I don’t even know why all of this started. I guess… I guess I was just jealous, or something.”

“Jealous?”

“Yeah, jealous. You’re such an amazing pilot, and everyone knows it, and I guess I just always wanted to be that good. I shouldn’t’ve showed it, though.” Keith takes my face in his hand, and turns it towards him. He can probably feel my heartbeat with this small touch. 

“Lance, you’re- you’re so amazing. You’re smart and funny and an amazing pilot, and don’t ever doubt that.” He’s staring at me, and we’re dangerously close, and I don’t know what to do, so I risk it all, and close the gap between us. 

He gasps quietly into my mouth, and then relaxes, dropping his hand from my face and resting it next to me. I put my hand on his and push into the kiss just slightly, wanting to savor every moment. But it ends too fast when he pulls away, and sits there, staring at me. I can’t read his expression, and I feel scared and nervous and sad all at the same time. 

“Keith, I-” He ends my sentence by ending that space between us once again, and this time, I make sure to note every bit of this kiss. The shape of his lips in mine, the way his hand tenses just slightly, the way his hair feels when I put my hand around his neck. It’s everything I’d imagined. But it’s so much more. 

He moves one of his hands onto my back and pulls me closer, and I wind my fingers through his hair. Immediately after, he pulls back even more suddenly than the first time. I try leaning into him once more, but he pushes me back by placing his hand on my chest. 

“Lance.” The way he says it sounds hurt, almost scolding. I recoil slightly. “I really like you. I really do. But… Allura… if she knew, she’d be really hurt, after what happened. I just…” He stops mid sentence, running his hand through his hair like I was moments earlier. 

“Hey,” I say, intertwining my fingers through his. “We can figure it out. We don’t have to tell the others.”

“But what if they find out?”

“We can cross that bridge when we come to it?”

He laughs quickly, and it makes me smile, because Keith laughing is a treat I rarely get to have. “Alright, sure.” We sit there for a moment longer before I pull him into another kiss, and this time, neither of us pull away for much longer. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay wow this really moved fast but like I said there's going to be many more chapters.


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a lot of Allura angst.

\--ALLURA--  
I can’t even begin to fathom what Keith thinks of me now.  
The stupidest thing I’ve ever done was kiss Keith. He hates me now, I’m sure of it.  
I don’t even know what I was thinking. It was idiotic and impulsive. I knew Keith didn’t like me. I was almost sure of it. But one small part of me thought there might have been a chance. I should have never taken it. I was stupid and irrational.   
I can barely bare to look at him now. Each time he passes me, I turn away, not wanting to see how he looks at me.  
Everyone expects me to be the refined one. Everyone expects me to be perfect and to know everything and to be polite. But sometimes I want to join the group. I want to be more than a seventh wheel.   
It’s selfish, I know. I shouldn’t be feeling these things. And I should be anything but irrational.   
I know I should apologize to Keith. But each time I’m about to, I lose the courage. I never have the courage to do anything. I always seem to fall short.   
***  
One day, when training has finished, Keith seems to be trying to speak to me. He keeps walking up to me, or trying to get my attention, but I do my best to ignore him. I don’t want to talk to him. I don’t want to hear all of the things he hates about me now. So I pretend to find interest in the metallic grey of the castle walls, and I do my best not to let him catch my gaze.  
But one thing about Keith is that he’s excellent at finding things that don’t want to be found.   
I take a walk around the castle, alone with my thoughts, avoiding all noise from the paladins. I turn a corner, and their stands the last person I want to see right now.   
“Allura,” Keith says, nothing but seriousness in his voice. “We need to talk.”  
I hesitate, and try my hardest to think of an excuse. “I’d… I’d love to talk right now, Keith, but I, uh, have something to take care of. The, uh, the castle, it’s…” I trail off, realizing from Keith’s expression that I’m not believable in any way.   
“Allura, please. I really need to talk to you. I’m not mad.”  
“You should be,” I mutter, avoiding his eyes.   
“What?”  
“I said you should be!” I turn to him, fear disappearing and being replaced with sadness and anger. “What I did was terrible! I took advantage of you in the worst way, and I never should have kissed you. It was a stupid and idiotic thing to do. I…” I feel my eyes start to water, and I look at the floor, not wanting to appear weak. “I’m so sorry, Keith.”  
“It’s fine, Allura,” he says, and I wipe my eyes and look back up. “I’m not mad. I just wanted to explain myself.” He pauses, staring at his feet with a look of nervousness. “Why I pulled away, I mean.”  
“Keith,” I say, not wanting to hear rejection. “I know. It’s fine if you’re not interested in me. I understand.”  
“No, it’s not that,” he says, running his hand through his hair. “I mean, I’m not interested in you, but that’s not why.” He hesitates, and I stare at him with a look of confusion.  
“I’ve never really been interested in girls. Like, I don’t know if that was a normal thing on Altea, or whatever, but yeah. I like guys.” I’m still confused, but for a different reason.   
“Keith, that’s completely normal. There’s nothing wrong with that. There was many people on Altea who were just like you.” He looks up, surprised and happy at the same time.   
“Really? That’s, uh, that’s pretty cool,” he says, smiling at the floor. “Thanks, Allura.”He starts to walk away, but stops for a moment. “Also, uh, could you not tell anyone yet? I want to tell them when I’m ready.”  
“Of course,” I say, and he continues walking down the hall.   
I’m not sure if I feel worse or better about what happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow this was short and late sorry. I had a pretty hectic weekend (including MEETING JEREMY SHADA AT COMICCON) and so I didn't have a lot of time to work on this. I'll try to make the next chapter extra long. Also I love Allura so much so I'm sorry for the slight angst.


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance and Keith get tired of this secret.

Chapter Four  
\--LANCE--

I’m almost positive that everyone has suspicions about Keith and my’s suddenly cheery attitudes. We’re doing a lot better in training together, and I haven’t mentioned Allura since we kissed. I’m sort of scared that people are gonna start suspecting things. 

Keith and I try not to spend a lot of time alone together, since that would make people suspect us even more, but we used to not spend any alone time together, so the difference is drastic. I can feel Pidge’s eyes on me one day when I leave the dining room right after Keith, and I notice Hunk’s small smiles whenever Keith and I unexpectedly agree on something. Allura probably suspects us most of all, based on Keith’s actions when she kissed him, but I try not to think too much about that. Who I should be worried about is Shiro, who seems to stare at the two of us together the most of all. 

About two weeks after we first kissed, Keith comes to talk to me. He looks tentative, and nervous, and I immediately worry. 

“Is something wrong?” I ask as he sits down next to me. He takes my hand in his, and it makes me relax a bit. 

“I’ve been thinking a lot lately. About us, I mean.” Is he going to tell me he doesn’t want to be together anymore? My heart drops. “I think we should tell the others.”

This is not what I expected. Wasn’t it Keith who originally hated the idea of telling everyone else? “Are you sure? Would Allura be okay?”

“I feel bad keeping it from her. It’s weird during training, pretending to still be your rival.”

“Hey, just because we’re dating, doesn’t mean we’re not still rivals,” I say, and he laughs. I love it when he laughs. 

“I guess. But still. I really think we should tell them.” I think it over for a moment. There’d probably be more benefits than consequences, but I don’t want everyone else thinking of us differently. However, if it’s what Keith wants, I’m on board. 

“Alright. Why don’t we tell them tomorrow?” Keith looks surprised by this.

“Really? I thought you’d be completely against the idea.”

“No, I completely agree. It would nice not having this big secret to keep from everybody.”

“Alright. So tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow.”

I’m a lot more scared then I would think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey sorry this chapter is so short! It's mostly because I've been rewatching Death Note so I didn't have much time, but I really wanted to update. Anyway, I want to write a chat fic for either Death Note, Camp Camp, or Gravity Falls. Which should I write?

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading my first fan fic on ao3! I know it's moving super fast but that's pretty much the point. Also I know this chapter is kind of short but I'm gonna write a lot more after this.


End file.
